Posted by Jon | Dec 24 2015

6 Reasons Maths is Better than Christmas

1. Christmas only happens once a year. You can do maths every day

Doesn't everyone do maths every day? Solving some good old quadratic equations makes my daily commute the joyful crusade that it is. We need to make this a thing, people!

2. Maths doesn't make you spend all your money

At Christmas we spend upwards of half our monthly incomes on presents for our families and friends. We're generous people, right? And it's nice to make people happy.

But the dreaded bank statements and credit card bills in January make us vow never to spend money ever again. We don't care if our families go hungry, damn it we're making a stand!

To do maths all we need is a pen, some paper, and our minds. (And the internet so we can ask Wolfram Alpha to give us the answers.)

3. Maths doesn't make you gain 10lbs over the holidays

Alright, Christmas food is one of the best things ever. The family gathering around the table for a delicious meal is one of those treasured activities that we long for all year.

But for those who reach for one too many mince pies (erm, there's always room isn't there?), it's their own fault when their trousers leave their judgemental imprint on their owner's newly-rotund waist.

When you're in the middle of a good old past exam paper (what? Doesn't everyone do them for fun?) you tend to forget about everything around you for an hour. Food becomes a distant memory. All you need is your aforementioned pen and paper and probably some strong coffee.

4. Maths doesn't make you agonise over gift choices

Standing there in the greeting cards aisle, judging whether 'To both of you' is an appropriately sentimental acknowledgement of your mate's new relationship makes everyone long to be sat indoors solving a good quartic equation!

Maths involves no such complex social analysis. You don't need even other people! Who needs 'em, anyway?

5. Maths doesn't give you a sore head at all, honest

We all dread the Christmas party with that one friend's ceaseless goading to poison ourselves with more and more alcohol. Cheap alcohol and questionable dancing leave us with a feeling the next morning almost as bad as reading your December credit card bill.

If anything, a good hard maths past exam paper takes away a headache! The mere thought of sticking my nose right into a dense textbook sends shivers of energy and excitement right through my body.

6. Christmas doesn't have any exams

How else can we assess and judge our Christmas performance if not by an exam!? I long for the day when we can all be stuffed into a uninsulated exam hall at 9am sharp on Boxing Day and assessed by a two-hour exam paper.

I'm writing to Nicky Morgan MP at once!

Thanks for reading this article, and Merry Christmas to you all.

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